Happy Mother's Day!!

Happy Mother's Day to the American (or those celebrating across the world) Mothers (since the Brits celebrated in March).

It takes a lot to be a mother

To have compassion 

patience, common sense & know how to laugh

To being really good at hiding how much you yourself are unsure

Being a mother is a job, with no vacations, very little appreciation *at first*

So here's a little bit:

To the women who care

The women who share

who raise a child

who calm their fears

Whether your natural born or adopted child

If you mother someone 

Today like everyday we celebrate you

Happy Mother's Day to you!!

My Favorite Song I play for my mother:

If you like Rap then here is:

And Kanye West:

And for the many women who wish to be mother's but can't but still mother someone else's children, the women who make the decision to go out and adopt the world's little ones: 

Well there you have it my loves, be happy, celebrate your mother's the women who helped you, the women who mentored you, not necessarily the woman who birthed you, but the women who choose to give you guidance, love, affection and when you needed it a good kick in the rear to get you on the right path.

And for those doing  this daily, we thank you

Happy Mother's Day my loves

May is Lupus Awareness Month

I know I haven't really talked about my lupus in a long time, I like to come on the blog world and leave the troubles behind as much as possible, you know embrace the good in my life.  But it's not cured it's not gone it's still there lurking like a stalker in the background of everything in my life.  It's there I live with it because unlike most I have it really good. I am well aware of that, I am also really happy about that. Make sure to check out the information I have included for you below.

This month I figured lupus could earn it's keep and share some resources for those who are seeking to learn more about the disease, find resources to help them or a loved one deal and even learn how they can help to make a difference.

Some facts about Lupus:

• 90% Of Lupus sufferers are women generally between the ages of 15 & 44; 10 to 20% of those cases are generally severe as they carry with them severe health complications.
• 10 % of the cases belong to men, the disease for them develops more severely in major organs
• African Americans, Hispanics/Latinas, Asians, Pacific Islanders & Native Americans are more frequently diagnosed than Caucasians; it does however affect anyone in any race at any time.
• Since Lupus is an Auto-immune disease, there are no known causes for the disease, but stress, infections, and Ultraviolet light is thought to be triggers in the development of the disease.

All of those facts were taken from the Lupus.org website, which is a really great resource for those new to the disease and it's development.  They have a link to local support groups as well as how to talk to your doctor about the disease.

Here is the book I have returned to time and again since getting this disease:

My review here.

One of my favorite blogs to read is Despite Lupus. Sara shares a lot of good information, promotes her book which I keep meaning to get and links you up to a few good resources there as well.

You can find more blogs here and of course you could always just google and find some. Most of these on this list I have read at some point & know they are legit and great. 

So there you have it, some good information on Lupus,  & a few good resources & books. These are ones I can vouch for I'm sure there are many more out there. Swing by and let me know if you have any you think I should check out.

Happy New Week my loves

KWW: Hair Rinses & Loc Maintence Ideas

Welcome back to Kitchen Witchin Wednesdays. this week I'm sharing with you the tool I use to keep my hair clean. I have locs and I can't use the regular (I mean I guess I could but I don't like to) shampoos and cleaners for my hair. I don't always have the time or the funds to purchase the super expensive ones i love either, so I have gone back to basics with my most basic of hair supplies.  And you probably have them in your kitchen already.

Doing hair rinses helps to promote scalp health & help to prevent further damage that is done by UV rays, pollution & our hair products.  Since the scalp is maintained by blood vessel that supply it with protein & other nutrients, the best recipes will work on the scalp itself.

When I was younger I learnt that if you had light colored hair( blonde) that using lemon juice on your hair will bring out your highlights.  I have since learnt that it's great for helping eliminate the extra oil from your scalp as well.

@deziner02 via SXC.hu

Highlight Rinse Recipe:
1 lemon with 1/4 cup water in a glass jar, shake well.

Use:
After shampooing, rinse your hair with this recipe then allow to stand in your hair for five mins. Rinse out with cool water.

Beer rinse for body & shine
Of course the most rumored & well known rinse of course is the beer rinse. To add body & shine to your hair, you can use a flat or stale beer to rinse your hair once a month.   The smell won't last long so don't worry about smelling like a brewery at work ( you could also do it on say a friday night or the weekend so by monday the smell will be gone).  The beer will add B vitamins & natural sugar to your hair which is what gives it the added shine.  Ehow, has a great how to guide for making your own beer rinse & explains the science a little more.

Split End Prevention (do this 2-3 times a week)
Olive oil, use a few teaspoon of oil on your hair ends to seal them & leave on overnight. You can rinse out in the morning if you need to.

Use coconut oil on the scalp to help with hair growth & to help release hair so it won't tangle & will be less likely to split as well.

Sub Damage Prevention
Apply Sesame oil to help protect the hair.  The sun can cause serious damage to the hair, especially during the summer months when we are running from ocean/pool to parties or a BBQ without covering out head.  The sun can dry out hair making it prone to being brittle & breakage.  Use the oil before going out, by massaging a few teaspoons (based on hair length, longer means a few more, shorter means a little).

Hair rinses:
Make hair rinse much like making herbal tea. Pout boiling water over a teaspoon of the herbs, steep for 10 mins, then strain. Massage into scalp as evenly as possible, allow hair to air dry. (You don't have to rinse the hair out) Use the rinse AFTER shampooing!!

Sage Rinse: helps to reduce oil buildup & promotes healthy hair. Use this rinse after shampooing for 3 weeks.
Birch Leaf Rinse: Helps to promote a healthy scalp & is believed to help prevent hair loss.  It also softens the hair & adds shine.  don't use on blonde or gray hair, it will darken the color,
Chamomile Rinse: Using the flowers, this rinse soothes & heals the scalp & gives hair a healthy shine,  Can also be used to lighten blonde hair.
Linden Flower Rinse: Best for dried out hair, especially for hair taxed by repeated dying or bleaching and is now brittle.  Promotes scalp health & circulation.  Use for six weeks for best results.

Deep Clean (Purifying Cleanser)
For a deep clean of my hair I use a apple cider vinegar rinse, the recipe I found here:

Can I say I was much like Chesca, shocked at how much gunk was still in my hair even though I washed it only a few days before.  What she didn't say and what I learnt later is that you should wash your hair after doing the treatment.  Since this treatment strips your hair you should only do it a few times a year. Chesca suggests twice a year, when i first learnt about it I did it every three months, by time I did it that last time my locs weren't in such a deep need, because of the next 'shampoo'.

Even if you don't have locs this is like using a clarifying shampoo on your hair, it cleans out the buildup of product that takes place over time.  Once I really learnt about loc maintenance for myself I started doing apple cider vinegar rinse every time I washed my hair.  And that's a simple recipe as well.

You simply need apple cider vinegar & baking soda.

Directions:

• Many people I know will coat their locs or hair with the baking soda allow it dry a little (first make a paste with water) 
• then fill a bucket or tub with the hottest water you can stand, then pour in about 1/2 cup to 1 cup of cider vinegar (base this on the length & thickness of your hair, for longer hair go for more)
• then starting with the ends of your hair dip then in the mix and continue adding more of your hair, the baking soda will pop & fizzle, once it stops add more of your hair, keep going until you feel all the baking soda is gone and no more reaction is taking place, make sure to get the front & back of your head as well.
• Rinse, with plain water, then shampoo/ or co wash as necessary (co-washing is using conditioner to wash your hair instead of shampoo, some claim it prevents the stripping of hair & helps with growth.)

Information gathered from many sources, including my own experience. The herbal rinses recipes & information from the Complete Natural Healing group 7, card 15


So there you have it.  These are some of the recipes in my arsenal for healthy hair.  Have you done any of these before?? Have a favorite recipe?? Share in the comments.

Pagan Book Review: Wiccan Wellness

Book Title: Wiccan Wellness
Author: Laura Perry

Publisher: New Page Books
Format: Paperback

Cost: $14.99

Pages: 218

How I got it: Purchased (years ago)

My Rating:★★★★☆
Erotica Rating: N/A
Synopsis:

Shows how to maintain health through holistic healthcare methods, including: herbal remedies, exercise (such as yoga and Tai Chi), Reiki, homeopathy, massage, chiropratic, and other energy based techniques.

My Review:
When i was in college i worked in the school bookstore, one of my jobs was to order the books for the bestsellers sections, many times a month we got catalogs from publishing companies and they had so many good books to get. I always felt like rolling around in the boxes when they came it, much like a cat with a catnip toy; since I was really exploring my craft at the time, I of course went looking for and purchased so many different books as I could one of the good ones, one of the many I have hung on to through the years was this one. It's a good one, it was a 'new' concept book back then and kinda still is I haven't really seen any books that have dealt with the subject matter like this since.

"If I had known I was going to live this long, I would've taken better care of myself when i was younger" Eubie Blake

There are of course tons of books on the market about health, about 'alternative' medical practices, but when this first came out this was the first one to my knowledge that bundled them all with the focus on pagans.  I love this book, it covers everything from Wellness & wholeness, How to connect back to God & Goddess, finding out where you are at the moment & making a plan & path towards better health.  It also includes many different recommendations for further reading on each subject that is presented.

It was the first book I read that discussed Feng Shui, Ayurveda & how to make your house a home. There are so few books on the market geared towards pagans & I loved this book when I found it, & still find myself sometimes going back to it, looking up some information & some of the resources that it provides.  It's a great jumping off point for new practitioners & old ones as well.

I highly recommend this to everyone, Make sure to check it out, I'm sure you can still get it on Amazon for pretty cheap.  Happy Reading.
 

 Buy on Amazon                            Add to Goodreads

Domestic Violence Awareness Month

It's October, and it's both Breast Cancer Awareness Month & Domestic Violence Awareness month, and not to knock Breast Cancer which gets a lot of press (ok granted its a pretty freaking scary ass disease and it's preventable for the most part ) but there is something just as deadly and insidious to women's health and that is  domestic violence.

 I could sit here and throw stats at you all day everyday of the number of women who are abused and violated by the men they choose to be their partners, or the children who are abused by the people who should give the most damn, or let's be real the men who's wives think it's ok to go at them maybe not with fist, but we all know words last longer. It's the reason why twenty years later you still remember the school yard bully not the one who hit you but the one whose words got into your head and to your weakest moments comes out to taunt you.

I'm from a family of four girls and according to the statistics one of us will be raped and abused in our lifetime. That's freaking scary, it's hideous and it's real.  Thank the Goddess, so far this hasn't come true, but for many young women it has.  Our home wasn't perfect, no home ever is, but my parents did their best with the knowledge and the cultural norms, we weren't neglected, or abused physical or emotionally; we always got what we needed and as much of what we wanted as my parents deemed appropriate.  We had a pretty good upbringing; it's pretty scary to me that any of my siblings could potentially be a statistic.  Why am I talking about this you wondering?? Because when I was growing up, I was under the impression that only those from broken homes ended up in abusive relationships.  only weak and stupid women ended up like that, it wasn't something anyone said but it was the attitude my family had that only women who left themselves vulnerable could be abused. My mother taught us to never be that vulnerable  to have our own money, our own resources, to have a way out at all times, and if it got hairy to come home.  So I naively grew up believing that women who were abused, well they put themselves there.

My feelings on this changed gradually as I was exposed to Lifetime movies, and reading books on the subject.  The biggest change came when I talked to a woman I liked who told me her story one day, I'm going to share some of it here with you.  (these are her words not mine, so please don't write anything negative or derogatory thanks ) 

You see let's call her Savannah, was the daughter of a immigrant, and when she was younger her father worked in the fields of Cali's wine country along with her mother and older siblings, as she grew up she watched her mother become the local healer for many of the women who were being abused by their spouses.  Even though her mother wasn't abused, Savannah was around the women who wouldn't leave because their Catholic faith is against divorce and taught them that their vows included the bad times, they would get counselling and in a few months some of the men went right back to doing what they did.  Many of the women (this is during the 1950/60s ) had no where else to go, quite a few of them were illegal or didn't know their status because their spouses kept that information.  So even thought there wasn't any abuse in her own home Savannah absorbed the lesson that a woman deals with in marriage whatever her husband dealt out   Later on when her father got a better job, & the family moved to San Francisco and she began attending school during the late 60s early 70s, she was around for all the bruhahaha that was taking place there, the changes, the demand for more changes; she met a young man among the protesters and began seeing him without her parents knowledge, eventually they were found out adn her parents met him and liked him, they continued to date while they both got into their schools of choice in California and got engaged. They got married in the 70s and she never finished school. He finished and got a job working while she started taking care of their new baby, not long after her husband got promoted and moved to NY, but was then given a better job at another firm in CT so they moved here. The abuse started slowly, just about after their first child was born, with comments about her weight and ehr needing to get back to her pre baby weight.   Little remarks most of us would pass over, but that slowly built into questioning her cleaning methods, the way she took care of their child to event he way she looked when they went to work functions. Nothing escaped his notice and when she tried to get help from his mother, she was told to " just do better dear".  Over the years it escalated, after she had their second child he actually hit her, for the first time because she was too ill to help the children, .  As the years went by and the abuse grew she took to drinking because she had no one to turn to, his father reigned him in a few times and he 'sought help' but always the beatings after would be worse. She was pregnant with twins when she first planned to run to a shelter, and her daughter called her father and told him where she was and asked him to come get her, the scene when he came home was horrific.  When the cops came they told him to 'walk it off' this was during the 80s.  Their twins were born & one was damaged, they believe due to injuries sustained during her pregnancy.  When the twins were a little older again she tried to run, but her oldest, a daddies girl to the bone, kicked up a fuss, and said some hurtful things and she caved in and went back.  She continued to drink to numb the pain, until one day she discovered her husband abusing their daughter and she packed up and ran for the last time.   

Savannah was married for 23 years before she left, her daughter won't tell her the full details fo the abuse or for how long it was going on, but Savannah believes whenever he had beaten her down he would then go to their daughter.  It took her four years to get the money to file for divorce, because hse had a daughter that was ill and couldn't leave the state.  Each time she sought help he would find them and made her life a living hell until she finally got a lawyer who would listen and got her into the shelters where he couldn't find them.  To this day her oldest daughter doesn't talk to her, she believes her father, that her mother was the one who hurt herself because she was a drunk.  Even thought it's been years since her divorce, she told me the other day she still doesn't trust men, if they compliment her it makes her uncomfortable, she makes sure she's never alone with strangers and she still has never been anywhere.  

To me this is a sad and scary story because it could be anyone, she followed the formula, meet a great guy, fall in love, get married, have babies. it should all be puppies and rainbows after that, she never planned for this guy to become a monster.  I did ask her, looking back did she have any clues and she said no they didn't at that time spend enough alone time for there to be clues, after all she was a 'good, sheltered Catholic girl'.  And to her, from what she ahd seen this was 'normal', or apart of everyday life for some of the women that she knew.''

We have come a long way from that, cops won't tell men to walk it off anymore. Yet, it's still just as hard for women to come forward, especially if the man is well known and is hte bread winner, it's even harder with children involved. i believe Savannah is very brave, yes, she's now a recovering alchololic, but 23 years of verbal then physical abuse would give anyone a reason to drink.

I have no advice, I have never been in this situation  so I'm not sure what to say.  I'm a member of society that like teachers are obligated if we suspect abuse to report it.  Especially if their are children involved. Unlike when Savannah's abuse started there are now plenty of places for the abused to go. Many government agencies will give emergency assistance with food stamps, shelter, and cash assistance  if you need it.  it you know someone is being abused don't confront them, give them a shoulder to cry on or a place to stay, because many of those being abused don't see themselves that way. Confronting them will only let them become more defensive, because they are going to see it as an attack on their decisions, their partner was a decision they made, & now your attacking him/her.  Chronicle everything if you can, and just be the best kind of friend you can be, you can't make them leave if they aren't ready to, but at the same time if there are kids involved?? Please don't ignore it, let the adults fend for themselves if they want to stay but save the kids please.

Images courtesy of Bing.com search, no infringement intended.

Fail of the Week:

Due to the increase in showing their a**es publicly I'm going to be doing an as needed feature when someone makes a complete and utter fail. Especially if they are in politics. I won't choose sides, even though I'm a 'bleeding heart liberal', I'm still more educated than these morons. Normally I try my best not to get political, or even discuss the depressing state of affairs as idiot after idiot take their issues out on the rest of the world, especially in the last two weeks, but this shyt right here?? I just want to slap his smug, asshole face. What kind of a f**ktard says bullshyt like this???

This weeks' featured moron?? This guy: Rep Tony Aiken a Republican *yeah no surprises there* from Missouri who on national television shared this gem with us

Not horrified enough?? Do you think maybe it's taken out of context?? Let's hear from Moron Todd himself:

Yes you read & heard that right. According to this uneducated no medical degree having asshole, women's bodies will protect them from getting pregnant after a " legitimate " rape. WAIT. WTF is "legitimate rape" is it being raped by a stranger, rape while your drugged, or is it your partner not stopping when you say no?? Does it only happen to good virgin girls?? Or are experienced women raped too?? WTF is it?? I didn't know we established degrees of rape and what makes it "real".  Is it real only when it happens in certain situations or is it only if the guy feels bad about it. Who makes the decision?? Cops, judges or the person that was RAPED. What about the young woman who was asleep on her boat and was raped?? Is that legitimate?? Does it only happen to young women?? Or are older women exempt. Please Mr, Aiken I need your vast experience and knowledge to explain to me what the f**k legitimate rape is. Excuse me will I throw things. These are the idiots making decisions on women's bodies and our rights???? This idiot who hasn't gotten past first grade understanding of human anatomy and biological science??? Really these are the people educated people are electing into office. You know what??? I'm tired of this idiocy America calls a government system, this two party foolishness that allows these uneducated idiots to decide one day they want to run for office and then stay in office forever. This is just complete and utter tomfoolery. People like this really can't exist, I refuse to believe that actual adults can believe this bullshyt, and have the nerve to share it with the rest of the world. Who told him that woman's bodies will protect them??? His priest?????  I need the names of those doctors he is talking about so I can check to make sure they actually attended medical school. I need their names Mr. Aiken, so we can ban them from going anywhere near women, or even attempting to actually practice medicine because clearly they bought their  license to practice. This is what happens when we allow complete and utter bullshyt called myths and legends to be taught as part of the school system. Creationism isn't science people it's your myths and your beliefs about how the world was created it doesn't f**king make it PROOF. I'm all for faith and having a system of beliefs that can't stand up to science, I'm a psychic; that can't be proven with scientific methods *not yet anyway*. but I would NEVER demand that my set of beliefs be taught in a schools SCIENCE lab, this is why. You teach these things and not the real hard proof of science; you deny children access to information about sex and their bodies and then show them this bullshyt; and then act surprised when idiots like this happen:

Bristol Palin, 'brilliant' progeny of Sarah Palin, Abstinence works ambassador 

I need for real people to vote this f**ktard out, he shouldn't be allowed to breathe and talk in public much less vote *why yes I see the irony as I type but it's true*  yet he is allowed to make rules and regulations pertaining to women's bodies. I need for American women to wake up and demand that the people making decisions that affect us have at least a medical background before they can talk about anything pertaining to our reproductive rights, because an asshole with convictions shouldn't be telling me I'm protected from an unwanted pregnancy biological and therefore won't need access to planned parenthood. Take a seat Mr. Aiken, this week you get the dummy of the Week award. Follow these directions, I'm sure it will feel like home:

What do you think of this man's ideas about women's bodies??? What the heck is legitimate rape?? Are there degrees I wasn't aware of?? Share your ideas and thoughts in the comments please.

Sacred Pampering Ritual: Personal Trainer

Yeah Yeah I know I know I haven't done one of these in forever, you want to know why?? Because I haven't done one of these for myself in FOREVER. can't share with you what i don't do, I mean I guess I could but then i wouldn't be authentic would I??  Anyway...

Guess what?? I signed up with a personal trainer *actually it's an old boyfriend (not that kind just a friend) who owns his own gym so he's doing me a favor*.  He's promised to kick my ass into shape no matter what, I have seen his clients I know he can do it. I'm going to be her (down below) as soon as he gets his hands on me, *crying in my water*,

How is this a part of Pampering yourself?? Well, taking care of your physical health matters just as much as the mental health stuff.  Most of the things I have shared before help to relax you and bring into a state of peace. For me * I used to be a gymnast and a track and field runner * for a long time exercising; the flex and stretching of muscle helped to calm me to bring my mind into focus, to help clarify a lot of things and helped me to learn a few things about myself. That space was an awesome space to be in, it allowed me a greater sense of peace than anything else I have tried since.  I need to get into better shape, not for anyone else but for me. and that is part of pampering myself.
Walking, running, yoga, belly dancing, these things help to connect us to our bodies, to clear our minds, sync up our systems and allow a rush of hormones that help to give us a natural high, not to mention the other benefits including higher sex drive *as a Scorpio I really don't need anymore hype but I'll take it*;lowered blood pressure and lower cholesterol, and increase in hormones which can help to regulate your emotional health as well as lower instances of depressive moods. A better body image helps to  life your mood as well. Look I'm not saying we should all try to be stick thin, but knowing you can run a mile or hell, just walk up the stairs without passing the hell out is the goal for some. For me It's the desire to once again tumble without the fear that I'm going to suffocate when my breasts follow the flow of gravity; I want to once again be in control of my body and have fun in it, not avoid the mirror because the image i have of myself and what's reflected no longer match up.

So that's you challenge my loves, confront your body image ideas, what is it that you consider sexy and healthy, what is the best weight for your body type if that seems too wrong, what would you consider you best health goal weight and shoot for that.  I will leave you with this video, share in the comments your thoughts ideas, and what have yous. And I will catch up with you later.

Walk in Light and Love always

Words..

For a writer they are premium, they convey what we wish to share with the world, they carry emotion, evoke thoughts and share wondrous sights. But what happens when the words no longer flow?? When the idea is there but the way to share them isn't? Where does one go when the words have abandoned them?? For weeks I have sat wishing to write to share to convey my newest adventures, yet the words would not come. I have begun to hate words, words written in a way that make women less, words written by those who don't know or understand what it means to black in America, words that share unfair thoughts and ideas about immigrants and what they are in this country.  Words written on pages that share stories that are both amazing and disgusting. Words which have begun to betray me. I have begun to fear words, the written word that demands that I read it before it's due back to the library, words written on torn out leaves, on trees that no longer stand noble in the forest, but rest on shelves, words that have accumulated and have become accusatory in their own noble way.  Words that have changed my life and words that have no effect. I am suffering from a burn out of words. I once loved reading now I look at the books and wonder...

I have for weeks have not had the words to convey what I am feeling, this sense of loss, or ennui, or disinterest. This steady wearing down of the happy soul. A feeling of failure of loss and unspoken truths.  I have jumped through many hoops to keep this blog hidden from many family and friends so that my words can flow free, unhindered by the knowledge of those whose judgement would stem the tide of flowing words. And yet, without them being here they have taken even this haven. I now understand why those who are gay and in the closet feel the need to come out to family and friends. It's necessary, the closet's air is stale and constricting, it stems the free flow of ideas, of thoughts or dreams. coming out and being true to who you are completely gives you freedom, it may also give you a world without several of the people you once considered necessary but then you learn to live and be happy.

Writing for me has always been a haven, a place to get all my thoughts out and in order, to share my opinion and allow those who needed to know to understand better than I could say it in conversation. I feel stifled without my words, without a way to share. Am accidental hiatus has become a dreaded thing, a fear of coming back to discover all my readers have left. A fear that my words will no longer have a meaning and purpose. I feel cast adrift and alone.

I am lost, drowning a sea of despair and fear, being pulled in many directions, going back to things that I had once thought behind me. I am angry, oh yes I am angry, i am angry because I have to hid in fear that I may not be loved for who I am, I am angry with the world for hating my skin, i am angry because of dreams differed, permanently placed out of reach, of ideas lost, loves forgotten, I am angry with patients who destroy the great gift of health they have been given with drugs and alcohol while those who would love the chance at good health struggle to say alive, I am angry at the Goddess for not answering my cries and pleas for the young children who are brought into the ER with wounds that little girls should never have, for the broken bodies and spirits of women who said no and their men heard yes. I am angry at the politicans who use my rights to gain votes while negating who I am as a woman. I am angry at the young Americans who throw away with both hands golden opportunities that those from other countries would love to have. I am angry at the people who walk past those on the streets who need the help. I am angry that i keep self destructing despite knowing how to do better. I am angry. so angry.

Gods I am just drowning in this anger, but it's not the anger that goads or incites passion, it's the anger that comes before bitterness and belittle the soul, it blots out the shining light and draws you further away into despair.

So I take my time and stay away, I allow my spirit to rest, to find it's way back to let the light back into the deep dark hole I have sunk into. And I push, seeking to get back to the place that I once stood. And i am back here, writing and hopefully sharing in a way that let's this burden become eased just a little bit more.  This isn't depression, it's weariness, it's realizing that which once came easy is no longer so, ad things have changed and I am now required to search further afield for what aides in my happiness, because words written on pages, that shared fantastic stories and created new world seem to have lost their appeal. Wgat do you do when words have betrayed you??

Ever yours
Aisha

True Life: I'm Losing my Sight

A side view of your eye, and my eye

I was hanging at my parents house yesterday and happened to catch the show true Life, which is and has always gone above and beyond in showcasing the different aspects that affect today's generation.  As I was watching the show, I kept remembering hearing my doctor's voice as he explained to me my disease, watching the doctor on the show reminded me so much of mine. Watching these kids learn to handle their disease, really reminded me of my struggle to accept my prognosis.  Friday's show really hit home for me as a woman who suffers from Keratoconus, I learned about this disease when I was getting ready to go to medical school, I wanted to become an OB/GYN, which is a strong surgical background, which means you have to have a pretty good eyesight. This complicated things drastically, because as the disease progresses, for some it can lead to blindness, which isn't my case yet, but pretty damn close.

After high school, my vision began to change somewhat and I went and got glasses, then contacts (because I still did sports which meant I couldn't do glasses, gymnastics and cheerleading mostly), not too long after I received my contacts I noticed I couldn't really focus on the computer screen; I thought perhaps my contacts where off somehow and went back to get them changed, my eye doctor noticed that my right eye prescription had changed drastically and insisted I get tested for diabetes. 

I made an appointment that same day with my nurse practitioner and went in, I wasn't diabetic, but once I described all my symptoms she did a CBC and a complete blood panel to rule other things out.  Being me, I called up my uncle who was a Dr and gave him all my symptoms & told him my suspicions, he suggested I speak to my Dr, but he concurred with my diagnosis (gotta love family, keep in mind, I have a nursing background and was on my way to medical school, so, my uncle knew I wasn't just blowing smoke or wasn't being "hysterical").  I went back to my APRN, and with my Dr. we checked out everything, ran all the tests, and my blood panel came back with the numbers that placed me within the range of having Lupus.  We believed that this was helping to affect my eyesight as well, and I coordinated with my doctors, and was given the recommendation of seeing a specialist who dealt with Keratoconus

My first appointment, I was the youngest person in their waiting room, almost everyone else was in their late 50s or older and had other eye issues. When we did my exam the nurse retook the eye test three times because she couldn't believe my numbers where so high. When she left the examination room was the first time I realised how this  disease was truly going to affect my life, and I knew that all the hope I was holding on to wasn't going to fix it, and I broke down, right there at the age of 24 I had been hit with two diseases with no cures, and no rhythm or reason to them. Everything I had hoped for changed.

Before the doctor came in, i pulled myself together, and said I could do this,  it was just something else to work through. No matter how much I clung to my hope, it would die a little more each time as we attempted to figure out which contacts would fit m,, my prescription was so unique my contacts would have to be custom made.  Even before the contacts were made, my eyesight changed again and we had to send back the sample and redo the prescription.

Eventually the contact manufacturer sent a representative, who decided I needed to layer my contacts to be able to see, one soft contact with a prescription then my rigid contact on top to really be able to see. Grand total for all of this?? $600 ....per eye. I didn't mind though I would be able to see, for the first time in a long time without squinting, without any blurriness. 

What my screen looks like to me, as I type

Each time I notice I have to increase the screen view so I can see, heck even to type this, I get pissed. I had huge goals for myself, and due to a unique genetic expression I have had to give up much to my diseases:

Believe me readers this isn't a pity party, there are women who live with Lupus who truly suffer with this disease, and I have had some pretty good years considering. I try really hard not to let it get to me, but when I see shows like this I'm reminded of just how good I have it, and just how bad for some it can get.  Although there is no cure, there are treatments, and each is progressively more aggressive & expensive, from contacts like mine, then comes Intact plastic rings: to pull flat the cornea, to corneal transplant which is the most radical, because it requires a donor cornea.

Watching the young woman who was losing her sight the further her pregnancy advanced made me so sad, cause there would be so much she would never 'see' in her child's life so much she would miss out on.  The little things most of us take for granted, like the expression on a child's face that lets you know they really don't like something, or their delight in little things, yes she will be able to feel, and touch her child to learn so much about them, but something, especially when you could see them before, hit below the belt, and no matter how much we tell ourselves that it's irrational to feel that way, it doesn't matter, it still hurts, that little by little the things you once took for granted are stripped away from you.

I don't by any means believe those who are visually impaired are some how less, but no mater how beautifully described, or how talented the observer at bending words, somethings in this world are truly meant to be seen.

Learn more about Keratoconus here.

All Images courtesy of Bing.com/keratoconus, and "sunset"

Thanks for stopping by and reading

Be Blessed

Know Your status

Today is AIDS/HIV Awareness Day. Last year I spoke about how nerve wracking it was to get tested. For me for years it was just routine as part of my regular doctors visit, but this time it was about just this test, and it was scary as hell. But being afraid of the results is not a reason to not get tested.

As one of my friends said on her blog recently  "No glove, no Cocoa"  (there might be a t-shirt involved soon). As I said last year, just because your in a committed relationship  doesn't mean your partner is ( I know that sounds wrong, but the only person you can absolutely be certain of is YOU) it doesn't mean you think your partner is cheating on you, but there isn't any reason not to get tested and know your status for certain.

this is my industry and I can't explain the amount of women, and men who are always shocked that they were sick and couldn't understand why until those results came back. So please, don't just get tested, get the results, and Know your status.

Be Blessed

Midwife Series: Movie Review

Movie: Orgasmic Birth

I watched this movie as a part of the midwifery preparation i'm going through. I picked this one up because many of the midwives and forums have discussed the book with glowing colors, plus the premise seemed great so i picked it up through Netflix.

the movie hinges on how the 'pain' of labor can be seen as a positive ting and how it works to augment your labor instead of something to fear. documentary had experts like Penny Simkin, the director of the World health Organization, Dr. Christine Northup Ob/Gyn, several midwives including the great midwife Ina May Gaskin.

One of the shows many aspects is the women who gave birth live on the show, each patient shared their own story and allowed the cameras to watch as they gave birth. One of my facorite parts si the showcasing of women EATING during labor, as a person in the medical field I KNOW logically why American doctors insist that women not eat during labor, but knowing the logics, and seeing the scientific discrepancies make it difficult to back the system.  The WHO itself has shown that women who eat and rest during labor actually have shorter, less intense labors, and they are more likely to have vaginal births than those who aren't allowed to eat, as their energy stores won't be low and they will be able to better labor.

The film highlighted the emotions the couples feel as they labor, both being happy, and sad, the fear, the mom's and dad's panic, some of them are as calm and cool as ever.  It discussed how the women can possibly become 'orgasmic' during labor.  The Doctors involved all discussed the scientific aspects of the reason some women become orgasmic.

I particularly liked that the film covered the fact that sexual abuse victims sometimes have a harder time laboring in the traditional setting of the hospital.  There are books that focus on that one of them is on my list to be reviewed.

I personally loved the movie, and what it was attempting. I think there could have been more personal stories, and perhaps a few more facts for those who need it.
Check out the movie if your interested in learning about midwifery.
Be Blessed

L&D Obsessed

L&D for those who don't know is Labor and Delivery. For those of you who are like me and obsessed with L&D shows especially those that share natural labor or even the slight labor management ( a little bit of meds used to manage pain) or full interventions (c-sections).

The newest  fix for our addiction is lifetime's new "One Born Every Minute". Now I was never really a fan of the other L&D shows on tv, until they had the midwife led show, which featured a lot more natural births, water births, and a few emergency (true emergency) c-sections. 

I really liked "Bringing Home Baby", when they followed the new parents to see how they were doing with their new child and how they were adjusting, this show was really good for showing the good, the bad,& the ugly side childbirth, and what happens next. I think too many shows focus on the 'good' part of having the baby and never on what happens after that and too many women are unprepared for the shyt-storm that is a new baby ( I mean that literally and figuratively too).

Even though this show only focuses on births, it does show all the sides of labor, and it focuses not just on the Doctors and the laboring women, but on the Midwives,and the Nurses as well. it's a good show so far, and I thought I would share. It's all the rage among my Doula friends because there was an episode with a Doula in it

The Show airs on Tuesday nights at 9pm, check it out when you can. 

Happy watching

Panic

recently in the last few days I have been noticing something different about my body. I am beginning to think perhaps my doctors and I are wrong and instead of having an allergy to nightshade foods, perhaps its actually worse, maybe it’s actually IBS.

Now I'm not one to panic and run to the worst possible scenario, but I have been noticing the symptoms actually getting worse. I thought "hey maybe it’s a gluten allergy", but many of the foods I eat are gluten free, as I had gotten in the habit of purchasing gluten free because of my dad’s diet habits (he’s Rastafarian and mostly vegetarian)., Now I'm trying to think if I have changed anything in my diet, did I eat anything different? Drink anything different?

The only things I can think of is I went to target and had a small icee, could that be it?? This has never happened before that I recall (but then again we have established that as a lupus patient I sometimes suffer from the fog and sometimes forget what I just did five minutes ago). Then there are the grapes, those are the only other things I have had recently, maybe it was the subway sandwich? but I only got the regular stuff and never had this problem before.

Since it’s only been a few days since the symptoms have actually gotten worse, I'm going to do a diary entry of all the foods I'm eating everything, if it passes my lips then it gets written down, and I m going to watch and see, if the symptoms fon’t ease up, I might have to call my rhemotologist to come in sooner than my actual appointment.

I'm panicking because each time I think I have a handle on how my body is working it changes, and you would think I would get use to the changes, but I'm not.  Each drastic and scary changes brings with it the grieving process again, as I grieve the loss of another body system to this disease. I tell myself, don’t panic, be thankfully that it’s not as bad as the other’s in the therapy group I sometimes go to, or as bad as the young women who blog about their experiences, but I'm not thankful. I'm Fucking Pissed.  Why am I losing control even though I'm doing all I'm supposed to? Even with medical knowledge of how the disease advances and changes, I'm still in the mode of patient, and this shyt sucks big time. I had just been celebrating because I have had the most awesome time being in the longest of remissions and boom, something new crops up. This is BS.

Now I have a mode of action mapped out all I have to do is watch my food over the next few days. Im just praying its not IBS, I really can't deal with another problem on top of the others I already have, Yes Im grateful Im not as advanced as so many others, but Im happy with what I have I DON'T want it to change. I'm comfortable here I know what needs to be done and I can do this by rote now, this constant change shyt is not working for me. I want my life to be about more than worrying about where the hell the nearest bathroom is, and what is going to trigger an episode. I want to PRETEND to be "NORMAL"
Le Sigh, I know I'm 'normal' but when I have my disease under control I can pretend it doesn't exist too much, but each new symptom forces you to re-evaluate your grasp on your life and your goals, and give up something else to the disease. I want to have regular worries, regular 28 year old issues, about career, love and family, not worry about if my advanced directives are in the right hands, did I include the new big purchase in the will, are my meds all right. thats supposed to be when Im older, you know after I have had a good long life, and Im in my 90s or with the Goddess' blessing my 100s.
UGH the life a chronic disease sufferer, is no fun at all.
Sorry to vent, but if I don't talk about it here, who else will i talk to? No need to send anyone else in a panic, until we know what we're dealing with. Anyway thanks for reading(listening)
Be Blessed and Healthy or strong enough to deal with your issues, my loves

What’s the price of beauty?

I wasn’t sure what I was going to write about today other than the next installment of the Black History Month. Then I took a gander through the catalog of movies just added to Hulu.com. Why yes I procrastinate regularly. Anywho, I happened on this film and thought hmm that sounds pretty good let's see what it's about.

I wish I could say I am surprised by what the gentleman in the film "America the Beautiful " discovered, but unfortunately I'm a woman living in America, a black woman living in America. There are few woman who look like me on the cover of magazines, and whenever they are, it's a 'weight-loss' edition.  Very few times have there been dark skinned black women, who were over a certain size or who are even not airbrushed.

One of my favorite actresses came out after her magazine cover came out and called them out on the airbrushing, perhaps you remember it? Kate Winslet, set the record straight, and pissed off a lot of people in the process, yet she was very brave to stay true to herself and to be honest with her fans, by letting them know, those were not her legs.   There have been many different instances where celebrity women have called the beauty editors out for their editing of the women and showing what is not a real standard of beauty, considering the average size of American women is 12 and the average Hollywood 'starlet' is a 0.

Recently there were reports of models collapsing and being rushed to the ER because they were having tachycardia (elevated heart rates) due to the not eating properly. There were several women who died, and a high ranking model who slipped away due to anoxeria.

Now all you have to do is google binge eating and you will find websites which advocate on ways that help you keep the weight off. these sites are run by young women who have no idea the damage they are truly doing to themselves. All for that 'perfect body'.

It's sickening that in  a country where so much food is available people are willing to starve themselves to death to have this 'perfect body'. Which is never truly perfect. yes I know for many of these women it's about control, there is generally something in their lives they aren't in control of and eating or not eating is the only thing they have control over.

Is this the kind of society we want? Where our daughters die because they are seeking an unrealistic image of 'perfection' that is re-enforced daily by tv, music videos, ads in magazines, even by their friends who have also being suckered into the ideal?? What is going to happen in a few years when or if these young women survive and realize that they have damaged themselves to the point of infertility? How many millions if not billions will they spend chasing the dream of something they had for free before they recklessly threw it away??

And let's not pretend it's just the girls, young boys are hurting themselves too chasing the dream of being 'buff and rippled' like the latest "Hollywood heart throb". I have had the displeasure of working with and helping young men who have downed Red bull with Viagra a the age of 20-26 and created an erection that has lasted well over the four hour limit, which means they are really dumbing down themselves as brain cells die off due to all the blood going in one direction, simply so they can 'f**k like porn stars'. @_@

Then there are the young men who are using steroids, and although it's not talked about in the press as much anymore it's still there, every once in a while we will get a young man who has a heart attack (also called an MI) out at 26, due to the elevated blood pressure and heart rates, massive swelling (edema), or they are bleeding out due to an accident, that should be relatively minor, but because their blood doesn't clot properly anymore, it's a big deal. Or they could be throwing clots like hell.  Not to mention the shrinking of the testicles which increases the infertility risk, but their not worried about that they are sexy.

"I pick things up and put them down"---planet fitness

Sigh the sad part, I rode the train into New York sitting in front of two such young men who were talking about it, about how much better they look now than before, how much more defined their muscles were, and until that moment, i must admit I was one of the women who had ogled their fine physiques when they entered the train, but knowing they got it from drugs killed any attraction they had for me.

i know there are no easy solutions to these problems, but we have to face them, change the way our advertisers are allowed to market to us, and we can change the way our children and ourselves are viewed, or view what true beauty is. Yes it's real nice and pretty to look at, but what it takes to get there is not. if you have signs or symptoms of any of the eating disorders, please seek help. if you recognize yourself saying some of these things in front of your children please stop, we are the only ones who can break the cycle.

Steroid image from esteroid.com ( I don't co-sign any of the shiggity they are spewing on their page,O_o but the image was perfect and i have to give credit where it is due so there I linked it )
Information about effects of steroids can be found on the Partnership for a Drug-free America website. More medical information can be found here.

Be Blessed

Oh the North Wind’s mighty gale

bar the door and set the sail…

Today, Monday January 24th is supposed to be the coldest day in the Northeast on record since the 1930s.. Last night my little weatherbug, on the computer warned that the nights temperature would drop to the single digits, actually to 1 degree,(yes you read that right ONE) and when I went to bed last night it was actually already at 10 degrees. the weather is calling for high winds, with the wind chill factor dropping the temp to below zero(0) in some place even as low as -50. 

Now I know many people like to dress "cute" no matter the weather, and if you happen to be one of those, here is how to cure the resulting cold feet or hands; frostbite (on places that one should never get frostbite on) and hypothermia, 
You can also read this as a way to be prepared should you be stuck somewhere for more than a few minutes in this cold weather.

Prevention:
1) Dress in layers, so that when indoors, if needs be, you can remove a jacket, a sweater, long sleeve shirt, and undershirts.  In the cold, the layer will add insulation and allow the sweat your body creates to evaporate instead of drying on the skin.  One would think this wouldn't be necessary to share with grown folks, but as I have seen many people who should know a whole lot better end up in the emergency room seeking treatment, for the beginnings of hypothermia, due to being improperly dressed for the weather. 

2) Wear a hat, yes I know it will give you hat hair, but  consider that anywhere from 7-55% of your body temp is lost through the head. It would be smarter and healthier especially on days like to today to have that 'cute head of hair' covered, or you will be in the hospital with bed head, which sounds worse??

3) Gloves, I know this sounds crazy but frost bitten fingers aren't cute, cover your hands please yes, even you men. Mittens actually insulate more, as your fingers help to keep each other warm.

4) Wear insulating breathable socks and proper shoes, this one goes to all my favorite college co-ed who wear uggs in the summer and slippers (with socks) during the winter O_o

5) Wear a scarf, or a ski mask (just don't run into any banks), a scarf wrapped around your face especially your nose will help to protect your skin from the wind, as well as give your nose a chance to warm the air that your breathing so it's not as cold when you inhale.

6) Your jacket should be wind, and waterproof, while being lightweight & breathable since your wearing the other layers.

if your going to be out for any number of hours, bring extra socks, and gloves to change into. 

Signs and Symptoms of Frostbite, and Hypothermia ( and how to help 'cure' them)
Frostbite happens when your exposed to cold air for a either a short period of time in extreme cold weather, or long periods of time in "nippy" weather. This happens because your body attempts to protect the most vital of organs by cutting off circulation to the extremities, namely: ears, nose, fingers, and toes. In severe case the tissues of the affected parts will freeze, leasing to loss of parts of the body.  

Like burns there are several degrees to frostbite: (each numbered bullet is a degree of severity)

1. numbness and a loss of color
2. deep reddening and stiffness in the affected parts
3. Look out for :

• pale or purplish waxy skin, sometimes discolored
• swelling
• tissue death occurs, and blisters form as dead cells discharge their fluids
• can become blackened.
• thawing of the frozen skin can create a painful burning sensation

If it reaches cell and tissue death, medical treatment is necessary.

For the beginnings of frostbite, like the numbness, here are a few natural first aid steps to hasten healing:

• try to get to a warm shelter as soon as possible, and remove any wet clothing
• to warm the body, drink hot tea: lemon juice diluted in warm water with honey can supply needed energy and a dose of vitamin C to help resist infections. Add the juice of 1 lemon to 1 cup water.
•  or clear broth and take a lukewarm bath 
• if a warm bath isn't available, wrap yourself in a warm blanket
• Do NOT dunk any of the frostbitten body parts in to scalding hot water, this will NOT  help.
• DO NOT rub the skin, the friction will advance any damage to tissue instead of helping.
• DO NOT ingest alcohol, although it may make you feel warm, it actually encourages heat loss and increases the risks of frostbite.

Herbal Healers:

• Ginko helps to dilate blood vessels and enhances circulation. Take 3-4 capsules daily, or 1 tsp of tincture 3-4 times daily.
• arnica and calendula make a effective salve for damaged skin
• Aloe, will help relax constricted vessels. It also boosts the effectiveness of medical frostbite treatments. cut open an aloe leaf and squeeze out the gel. Apply liberally. can use the commercially purchased ones as well. 

Hypothermia is caused by a drop in the bodies core temp. As it drops the body attempts to warm it self by shivering to generate heat. As the temp drops the following happen:

• Shivering and confusion are key signs that you are going into hypothermia.
• irregular slow pulse, sluggish reflexes
• rigidity and edema
• weak heartbeat, delirium
• loss of consciousness
• death

Hypothermia generally has frostbite along for the ride, exposed skin and wet parts will get mild to severe frostbite.

• Severe hypothermia starting with rigidity need medical attention.  DO NOT ignore the signs. 
• On a day like today the elderly and children are at greatest risk, check on elderly family members throughout the day, and make sure to bundle children up. the rule of thumb is two layers for every one you wear.

Herbal Healers:

• Cayenne tincture: a stimulant cayenne help to warm the body system from the inside out, improving blood flow to extremities and organs. Take 1 dropperful every 20-40 minutes in juice or water until body temp rises. (can be found at health food stores)
• ginger tea, ginger is a great warming herb, ti stimulates blood flow especially to the extremities. Add 2tsp of herb to 1 cup of water, steep 10-15 mins, strain. Sip 1 cup every 1/2 hour. 
• to prevent cold and other infections after hypothermia, drink teas high in vitamin C, lemon tea, rose hips, hibiscus flowers, chamomile &, peppermint. Mix 2 tsp of each herb into a jar (except the lemon). to make the tea, add 2 tsp of the blend to 1 cup hot water, steep for 10 mins. Drink 4-5 cups daily in sips.

Information from The Guide to natural Healing, cards: Ailments and treatments, frostbite, and hypothermia. And knowledge gleaned from school (and living in NE for 10 years)
Stay warm and healthy my loves

Today is a cold one

Be Blessed