I feel lost, like huge pieces of me are missing & I have no idea where to even start looking to find them. I can't explain what it is to be so disconnected, not just from the blog but from my life. I haven't been in the woods in months, I haven't been able to mediate outside because of the cold plus in the 'heart' of the city there are few places to go. I have been pulling lots of double shifts lately leaving my home before sunup and getting back after sundown, it's so not healthy.
I feel like I'm hiding from my life. Gods know when was the last time I just took a breathe. When I lived at home the woods were right there I could just walk in and feel better, I know it's because I had roots there, I would walk in and sink deeply into the earth there and feel so energized, there are almost no real green spaces here to do so.
Le Sigh, I need some serious time with the earth. Yes.this winter has been mild, but the freezing cold weather has made it impossible to even be outside for a few minutes. I'm thinking I really need to make some serious connections to the earth around here. When I moved from my parents I let go of the connections I had there, released any of the dryads I had been working with and have yet to find some here. I think that's why I feel like I'm withering inside, I have no connections here to keep me grounded, at home I had made connections with the earth with the trees, with each of the plants that grew on my family's land.
I'm a witch for a reason, i need the earth the energy of creating something & I haven't been able to craft in a while. Not with words, and certainly not even with my yarns. I went home recently and it felt nice, the land felt welcoming, but it wsn't the same anymore, my magic is no longer tied to this land. There have been a few changes in my home and the engery is different as well, not in a bad way, just different from when I was there. Even though I'm no longer there practicing in my bedroom it's still a good amount of stored energy there and my Mom likes the feel of the room so much she repainted and re-purposed the room as a guest/ craft room for herself. My dad says she spends a lot of time in there now. Maybe that's it? Maybe because I now know I can't really return home & slide right back where I was before?
I don't know but I'm thinking it's time to stop hiding and find out. How are y'all doing? Feeling stagnant through this winter at all? Or are you powering through? If you are getting by can you share some secrets? Please?