Thursday 23 February 2012

Disconnected...

I miss my trees!!!

I feel lost, like huge pieces of me are missing & I have no idea where to even start looking to find them.  I can't explain what it is to be so disconnected, not just from the blog but from my life. I haven't been in the woods in months, I haven't been able to mediate outside because of the cold plus in the 'heart' of the city there are few places to go. I have been pulling lots of double shifts lately leaving my home before sunup and getting back after sundown, it's so not healthy.

I feel like I'm hiding from my life. Gods know when was the last time I just took a breathe.  When I lived at home the woods were right there I could just walk in and feel better, I know it's because I had roots there, I would walk in and sink deeply into the earth there and feel so energized, there are almost no real green spaces here to do so.

Le Sigh, I need some serious time with the earth. Yes.this winter has been mild, but the freezing cold weather has made it impossible to even be outside for a few minutes. I'm thinking I really need to make some serious connections to the earth around here. When I moved from my parents I let go of the connections I had there, released any of the dryads I had been working with and have yet to find some here. I think that's why I feel like I'm withering inside, I have no connections here to keep me grounded, at home I had made connections with the earth with the trees, with each of the plants that grew on my family's land.

I'm a witch for a reason, i need the earth the energy of creating something & I haven't been able to craft in a while. Not with words, and certainly not even with my yarns.  I went home recently and it felt nice, the land felt welcoming, but it wsn't the same anymore, my magic is no longer tied to this land. There have been a few changes in my home and the engery is different as well, not in a bad way, just different from when I was there. Even though I'm no longer there practicing in my bedroom it's still a good amount of stored energy there and my Mom likes the feel of the room so much she repainted and re-purposed the room as a guest/ craft room for herself. My dad says she spends a lot of time in there now.  Maybe that's it? Maybe because I now know I can't really return home & slide right back where I was before?

I don't know but I'm thinking it's time to stop hiding and find out. How are y'all doing? Feeling stagnant through this winter at all? Or are you powering through? If you are getting by can you share some secrets? Please?


9 comments:

  1. Hiya Aisha,
    I must say that even over the other side of the earth - here in Australia - I know where you are coming from. I too have been a bit "lost" lately and need the earth to give me back my power and strength.
    I just seem to be tired all the time and so busy that I haven't had the time even to ground myself in the earth....very sad.
    I hope we can both get in tune with our earthly selves real soon.
    Brightest Blessings
    DARKWENCH

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    1. I hope so too Darkwench, because this disconnect is so not cool, I don't like feeling like this at all. I can't wait to get lost in the woods and let the trees sooth my soul. I hope you get to ground yourself soon as well.

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  2. Have you tried working with a potted plant? Maybe a small orange tree? Or how about collecting stones the next time you're out so you'll have a local land connection.

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    1. I think I will try that free, I am thinking of getting plants for the house, just because I have never lived anywhere this long without plants and I'm getting edgy. I will try the rocks as well. Thanks so much!!!

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  3. I just returned to a nature place after living in the city. It's so hard to live in the city if you are someone in tough with the Earth. I feel your pain. FreeDragon's advice is good. When I lived in the city, I brought rocks into my place. If I managed to go to a more rural place on the weekend, I would bring some nature back with me. It does help. What also helped was to have my Witchy things around me, such as books, statues, smudge bowls, and of course lots of candles.

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    1. I'm still getting used to be able to have them out, i think once it's safe to do so I might take a few cuttings from my parents home and bring them here as well. that's a good idea thanks Aine.

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  4. Yeah, home is not really home anymore after a few years... it's kind of strange.

    I usually feel like hibernating all through winter. It is not as cold around here, hence I usually bundle up regularly to at least go for short walks, and as long as the temperature stays above 0°C, I can also be found running outside.

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    1. @Diandra yeah I can;t believe how much has changed in the few months I have left, it's like they really cut loose once their kids moved out. Normally I could also be found outside but I haven't really learned the neighborhood yet, so I don't want to go walking late at night in the wrong neighborhood. Hopefully with spring coming I can get to know it better.

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  5. Sounds like you need a daily mini-meditation. You can do it anywhere. Hell I've meditated in a public bathroom before! Just find a quiet space and for 5 minutes raise one hand above toward the sky, keep the other below to connect to the earth. And visualize a flow of pure cosmic energy. You'll feel much better. :) This is best done standing but you can do it sitting too.

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