Thursday 19 March 2020

Real Life Check In: Anxiety & the Pandemic, How Am I Coping??

How are we doing my loves?? I know I haven't written on this particular blog since 2015, but boy do I need to talk.
As a person with social anxiety, this feels like I should be excited to not have to socialize, but my other anxiety is seeing the worst-case scenario of this and wondering just how the world is going to go down. Will there be global ramifications?? Of course and how will that impact us here in the US?? I'm panicking and don't have anywhere to put all the anxiety.  Where are the Winchester Brothers when you need them to stop the end of the world??? If I were Christian this would be one of the Horsemen riding and heralding the end of the world and just iCan't.

Last week I ended up going to the doctor because of back pain that lasted more than five days and wasn't remedied by OTC medication. Turns out I had pancreatitis and needed immediate gallbladder surgery. It's been five days and watching the news as the world and our government slowly implode has not been good for my mental health. Yeah I know I could stay off social media and distance that way, but guess what I can't I work in healthcare so daily what we need to do changes. Even while I'm out of work for the next few days until I'm cleared to return to full duties I'm still talking with my co-workers and learning what the new updates are because I need to know how it's going to impact my return.

I also feel like an idiot because I am an extreme couponer who decided to take a hiatus due to our home being completely filled with products and now that we are on the downswing of my pantry we get hit with this pandemic, to say I'm fucking pissed is an understatement. I felt the call to start a small scale prepper food pantry three years ago and I really did a good job of making it a working pantry with long term products stacked up, and then I ran out of room, and it didn't seem like anything was going to kick off so I decided to stop couponing. Now the couponing policies have drastically changed, some of the coupon values are less than stellar and instead of getting it free like we used to there is a cost now. And boom PANDEMIC!!!!

I'm also realizing I never went beyond the first few pages of the book on prepping that I had. I kept putting it off, I have half-ass plans in place for my car, for the parents' house but none of them solid, None of the pages complete and I feel like a failure which doesn't help much.   I mean I had two years' worth of food, which we have only started to go through and now the pandemic hits and there are so many holes in my prep I want to scream and unlike before I don't have the financial freedom to do the complete prep like before. It's sobering to realize this.

It's worse because I've seen all those discovery channel pandemic documentaries talking about what would happen here in the US and watching it unfold is scary as fuck. Even worse having lived through Hurricane Gilbert and the devastation to Jamaica and knowing that untouched traumas and things are coming up because of this situation now??!! This isn't a wow is me, I know I'm beyond privileged in some aspects, hell I have the internet to sit down and bitch about this. I'm bitching about not having enough instead of not having any at all. I think for me to not feel powerless in this, I'm going to share with you how I'm coping. What steps I'm taking to get ready, to plug the holes in our plans, to have the bug out plan ready.

What are you doing to cope?? I'm trying not to create unrealistic lists of things to get, I'm trying to be good and just think rebuild by two weeks then three then a month.

How is your anxiety my loves?? Are you one of the few who can work from home?? Or are you like me an out in front working in the 'essential jobs"?? What's it look like in your area??

Remember to wash your hands, physically distance and take mental health breaks.
Drink lots of water my loves
With the Goddess's Blessings and Love