Monday, 26 July 2010

Interospection and Doubts

Being Pagan means always learning "more" about ourselves, the world around us and our faiths.  Tonight was the full moon and this moon carries so much energy and yet not for the first time in a long time i didn't feel the need to cast a circle and practice.(what how why so shocking)

As I have said in my bio i have been a practicing pagan for over 17 years and I'm beginning to feel the burn out.  A lot has been running through my mind and the one question that seems to keep popping up is "how much of my practice is simply a rebellion?" I know one doesn't follow a faith for this long as a simple rebellion but .......

This full moon inspired some deep reflection and introspection on my part and I feel as if I have been avoiding this question for a long time.  It is wise to question everything one believes and to continually (especially to yourself) question "WHY" you believe what you do. Even the Witch's Pyramid is so stated " To Know, To Dare, To be Silent" (although the last part doesn't really pertain to this situation)

I'll explain how some of this came about a few weeks ago I had the privilege of being interviewed by a younger pagan in the community for her class projects on faith and she asked some tough questions. (Boy did she put me on the spot and call me to the carpet) And it has made me really question
"How much of our faith is ingrained within from previous religions and how much is simply rebelling against the status quo?"

I know why I choose this path (or sometimes it seems like it choose me).for me being here felt like home but why do I stay? Especially when I know how my family feels about it? Is it the one thing I truly feel in charge of ? (yeah like the Gods really let us have ALL the control) Sometimes I feel so guilty because I will feel like an "arm-chair" pagan/witch(don't gimme that look you know what it is!! Ok for those who don't its the person who knows alot of stuff but doesn't really practice all of the tenets of the faith)

I have been feeling disquiet a lot lately and I have begun to wonder why ? Does it mean I am to change paths or am I in need of deeper wanderings? Is there more that I am not feeling or seeing?

Could it be that I have outgrown this path? Or am I simply blindly moving in a circle while my path is laid out before me waiting for me to seek more from it than I already am?

I don't know readers, I haven't felt the Goddess moving in my life in a while perhaps I'm just not looking deeply enough, or maybe its time to move on (it has taken me forever to even think this much less write it)

Tell me how you feel and what do you do in these moments, when the doubts begin to surface and the presence of the Goddess is but a distant memory?

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