Monday 7 February 2011

Somethings I learned about myself:

There are many thing I have discovered about myself during the 28 days of Yoga,
1) I am a bit mean
2) I'm a bit of a bitch when my personal time is interrupted
3) I have a lot of unresolved anger
4) I'm just a little bit selfish
5) I tend to get defensive whenever someone talks to me

Look at all of that and people say yoga is only good for peace within. maybe this is my way of working towards my peace.

Number one I blame on being an older sibling, i have three younger sisters and sometimes the only way to get them to stop taking advantage is to be mean, yeah I know not the best of ways as a family, but it works.

Number two reflects back on number one, the reason I say this, I feel like my time is important, I give equally to friends and family all the time I can and still be sane. When I take time for myself, I would like for them to respect that and stop calling, texting, stopping by to see me, on the day i have off for myself or when I just sit down to meditate. i swear it's like they have radar "Oh shyt she's about to have fun let's break that up and piss her off real quick". I particularly HATE when they bug me with shyt they can easily resolve themselves. I mean REALLY must I do everything? or must you share EVERY thought that pops into your head?? Didn't we just talk five minutes ago, for like two hours, and I left you only 20 mins before that, because right about now I can use a little break from you. Stop stalking me (of course I won't say this to my family or friends, because part of being in a relationship is putting up with the small little pieces of the person that annoys you, as no one is perfect, and I know when I'm ready to vent, they better listen)

3& 5)I know exactly why this is as, I am constantly on the defensive with my family, particularly with my Mom, she is constantly attempting to get me to go to church with her and the 'save my soul'. Which after awhile can get annoying, so every time she opens her mouth in my direction, I'm already arming myself with a zinger to send back whatever she just sent towards me. This isn't a good way to live because I find myself getting into little tussles with people who haven't really done anything, take for instance my partner, He doesn't put up with BS well, so whenever we're together and I let some of my vitriol out He lets me have it (one of the reasons I love him, He doesn't let me get away with much). And I'm always expecting someone to criticize me so I'm always on the defensive, but this doesn't extend to work, or my education, there I know I am the bomb and don't put up with much BS there, but with my parents in particular?? Not much I can change about them, and sometimes talking to them is a waste of breathe as they are who they are and that's how they have been for over 50 years and that's how they're going to be for the next 20-30 years.

4) I have had to learn to be selfish, it's a good thing to demand your own time, your own things from yourself and for others to learn to respect your things. One of the things my sisters and I always talk about is the fact that we sometimes have similar taste (very expensive similar taste) and some of us are too cheap (not calling names at all, but it ain't me) to go out and purchase our own separate things, so some of the others will 'borrow', until 1) it's done 2) it becomes broken 3) it gets lost.  I recently relearned this lesson as a small black purse I have had since my 18th birthday, a classic Coach purse, was lent to one of the younger ones, and it;s missing and no one wants to claim who lost it, yet everyone and their damn 'events' needed to have the purse.  I'm getting tired of having to replace my shyt because they don't want to buy their own or don't want to use their own (which pisses me off, if you have your own why are you using mine??)
Which is why I have to really enforce number 1.

I have more 'epiphanies from the mat' but I think this enough psychoanalysis for one post.  I know something especially the way I interact with my family has to change, and I have to stop being such a wuss with them, but family dynamics is a hard thing to change. I don't want to give the impression that my sisters and I don't get along or that I'm a bitch 24/7, We get along the way most sisters who are close in age do, and we have had to learn to see each other as individuals with our own lives, which is different from when we lived all under the same roof, and were little girls picking on each other and playing hide and go seek.  Yes, they annoy me ( if you get along with everyone in your life ALL the time, your lying to yourself, or you aren't acknowledging your true feelings), I love my family and I love my friends, but it doesn't me I have to LIKE them all the time.

Each moment is a chance to change who I am, and I finally learning to embrace it.

What have you learned about yourself recently my loves? Anything good or bad? Something you already knew? Or has it made you stop and go ugh?
Share in the comments please


  1. I learn most about myself through my Shadow side. Sounds like your Shadow has made an appearance through your yoga practice. Good stuffs girl, good stuffs.

  2. @Dark Mother, Yes, I do believe the Shadow will not be denied anymore, it's tired of playing nice and has begun to creep out without my acknowledgement, now I really have to get back into working with it, so Im not as "horrible" as I feel I can be sometimes. thanks for commenting and sharing.
    Be Blessed

  3. yoga made me realize a lot about myself too. main one is that i have a fear of being alone so i cling onto one person..then i have a fear of being to close to people so i push them away..yeah it's very complex

  4. @adikro at least you know and accept it, it's worse when you don't know why your doing these things.


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