Tuesday, 3 August 2010

Becoming Our Parents...



As a teen we all swear it to ourselves, in a moment of rash decision we may even scream it at the top of our lungs..."When i grow up & have children Ill NEVER treat them like you do" of course in our teenage angst we are all convinced our parents are the WORST parents ever( & they aren't even anywhere near it).
I mean who really has a reasonable curfew?? Why doesn't the argument "All my friends are doing it" work?
Give me a moment my loves and i will explain what brought this on:

 It recently came to my attention while I was having an  argument.....disagreement No discussion yeah that's it it was a discussion with a (& I am so ashamed to admit this) two year old who kept asking me " Why Why Why WHY"

Oh dear readers don't laugh now,  if you have a toddler you know whats coming you know what all frustrated adults say to a toddler who just won't for the love of the Gods shut up, Heck you have  probably said it yourself (You know what coming, so all together Now) :

BECAUSE I SAID SO.




Yes Ladies and Gents i pulled that card.
I was of course immediately remorseful and really wanted to cry because I swore i would never become my mother (I'll explain in a minute).

So back to the fight.... uhmm..... i mean discussion, after yelling this (and surprise surprise) he took that excuse and left, i calmly went over and talked to him explaining as much as one can explain to a toddler and left it at that. He was fine, me, i could feel the tetonic plates of my understanding of parenting and being an adult shifting.


 What does anyone who feels there world changing do?? They call their mother!! (the woman responsible for all this). So i called her (my mother) up and told her what happened and she had a great big ole laugh at my expense, i mean really i put the phone down came back like twenty mins later and she was still laughing (apparently i was very convincing when i was younger, and she didn't expect this call at all).

Let me explain my Mom.  She is a great Mom one couldn't have asked for a better Mom ( ok she's not a saint but she did alright). She was really good at listening and sharing all the "pearls of wisdom" (word to the wise if your child is on the cusp of becoming a teenager they really don't care about your "Pearls of wisdom"), she was there (like even when i totally wanted her to like disappear "She's so embarrasing" my 12 yr old self keeps whispering), she was strict (what are rules and why do i have to follow them? my 15yr old self keeps demanding ), supportive and at times (like all parents who grew up in a different era) bat-shit crazy; her fears were't the same as mine, her limitations weren't the same as mine and at times our world's and cultural differences clashed ( she grew up under the British system and me the American). We did however have a lot in common, she was an English professor on an all women's college (more on that later) so she shared her passion for knowledge and reading with my sisters and I. (I was the only 13yr I knew who could quote from all yes ALL of the Shakespearean plays) We had a love for plays, and fashion, and cooking, every Sunday we went to church, came home read the Sunday paper and cooked an amazing dinner while i learned new dishes every week.  Eventually as with all things time moved on and the the gap between our generations became bigger every year.  And as infallible teens will never admit it "we do NEED our parents to be there and CARE". (just not being there and caring in front of our friends "God mom, not in front of my school")


 My mom's decisions in life have impacted mine in a positive way and that of my sisters also, just as her mom;s decisions impacted her, her insistence on education, on waiting for marriage, on holding out for the person who knows your worth and is willing to cherish it these have greatly enhanced my life (even when i wasn't ready to admit it, deep down i knew it)


I looked into the face of my Grandmother, and Mother the other day and realized that they are MY ancestry, they will one day guide me from the other side as they do so now, and as annoying as it can be sometimes, we have to remember THEY were young once too and when they talk they are talking from experience. I can glean the knowledge hidden within and move on or i can fight it learn the hard way and then attempt to pass the lesson learned on to the next generation.

According to my mother its the mothers curse, they wish that one day you would know how annoying( horrible, bitchy, bratty, take your pick)  you were to them and eventually you do learn (Sweet Goddess imagine if I'd have been a horrible teenage?)  As this wasn't the first time I'd caught myself saying something or doing something she used to do  ( think "  I will pull this broom over and you WILL regret it) I KNOW it works (crap, parents revenge)

And as this moment in my "discussion" I learned the greatest lesson: It can be both a blessing & a curse to become our parents, but how we adjust to it is up to us. And how it manifests, whether the lessons learned are good or bad, we have the choice to do better than they did.

So dear readers have any moments you realized you were turning into your parents? Good or Bad? What was the scariest moment?

And as always try to to fly under the radar, and fly safe my loves

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