Tuesday 17 August 2010

It's not everything

Sharing isn't always caring
you know that needs to be shared with your partner(s).

Secrets are called such for a darn reason.   Recently it has come to my attention that one of my friends is a leaky sieve when it comes to secrets. Let me explain:

One afternoon, after managing to hold in this secret for over seven months I divulged it to an extremely close friend with the understanding that she wasn't to say anything to anyone. Color me stupid but my understanding of anyone includes all friends family, therapist and partners. 
I will come to regret this.

Fast Forward to a few months later and I went over to her house and her husband and his brother kept giving me strange looks, so being that i have known them forever i finally ask what's up and imagine my face as my secret came spilling out the mouth of her brother in law. O_O

Why do you ask???

Because my friend opened up her big mouth and told her husband who figured if she was telling him then it was ok to talk about it and discussed it with his brother, who shared it with his wife, who shared it her sisters and now the whole family knows.  There are so many words i would like to use, but my Grandmother always says only riff-raff curses (I don't believe that but since things you put on the internet never disappear its best not to bother putting them out there).

What did i do you ask??

I left!! I was so pissed i would have definitely caught a case for beating her head in if i stayed. What the eff is the point of me telling you to keep it a secret if your going to blab to your man. I happen to know you keep secrets from him, I could really ruin your marriage if I told everything I knew. Yet something so important as this you couldn't keep to your darn self?
This is why i have few female friends.  Women like you give other women a bad name. 
Suffice to say i learned my lesson I have limited (if any) discussions with this friend now and I barely hang out with her. When questioned why she did it??
                                              She didn't think it would be that serious.

Next time i know better(there won't be a next time), ill keep my secrets to myself because obviously some "friends" can't be trusted.

We both saw the movie "Why did i get married?" and we both laughed our heads off at the dinner scene we both agreed  " not every thought that pops into your head needs to be shared with your man, especially other people's secrets."  she said this knowing the whole time that she darn well already divulged mine.

So hear it is ladies, you don't have to share everything you know with your man (same goes for you guys). Because Gods forbid something happens to your relationship; he now knows where to strike the most efficient blows at friends, and family and even yourself. 

Sad part of this story, (other than the ruined friendship), is now her marriage is on the rocks, despite her over-sharing of other people's secrets. And she still hasn't even begun to confess to half of her secrets. 

Now the point of this story isn't "Don't share with your partner"  I am just trying to say that somethings especially when asked by someone to keep it quiet should be kept QUIET.  How does it look to your family and friends if you can't keep simple secrets? Your not a trustworthy person, you become someone no one can rely on in a pinch, if you told a secret you weren't supposed to what else would you tell?  IF she had simply waited until I gave her the all clear she could have told her hubby with no problem, and she would still have a good friend now, when it seems all the people she used to gossip with have found other people now that her life is on rocky ground ( I believe those are called "fair weather friends").  

According to her hubby one of the reasons they are having these issues is because she doesn't know when to shut up, apparently she almost cost him his job, because she talked to someone, who knew someone, who knew his boss and it all back to the boss, about some sensitive company info. I mean no discretion at all.  

In Jamaica we have a song we like to blabber mouth children " Moutha massey lizza you no ere(hear) you mumma deh call you, you mouth deh fly you must tell lie,you no ere you mumma deh call you,  Lizza cliba you mouth"

Translation: "You talk too much, you don't hear others attempting to caution you, and because you talk so much you end up telling lies to keep talking. SHUT UP."

For her a hard lesson learned at 28, for me a lesson in knowing who to really trust with sensitive info.

As always fly safe and keep your secrets guarded well

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