Sunday 10 October 2010

Here's a little ditty about...

Here on day 10 of our little journey i wanted to share a little story, about my first ever Esbat Ceremony, a little back story, I have shared how i came into the craft, well my family moved from NY to CT and for the first time i had space to practice, without my family being right under me. So here is what happened when I finally got a chance:

"I have been practicing magic since the seventh grade. On and off as I became frustrated and lost with no one to help me and no one to learn from.Every time i step within the circle i get so nervous, i get lost and botch whatever I happen to be saying right then and there.Take today for instance. I planned it out, thought i had the perfect spot to do the ritual outside except that sport was water logged so a definite no.  Then i went wandering around all over to find another spot.  The spot I found had a big beautiful outcrop of stones, I was at a crossroad, a minute of trails led from it and to it, so i was very nervous about the location, because all i needed was someone from my block to see me, and it would be over.  I'm pretty deep in the woods so the fear of being busted really shouldn't have me afraid, but is was a nice day and people who do dirt biking always go through the woods to get to the course. I wasn't too close for that to happen, but i was close to the river which is where the main trail is.  this trail leads right behind out town's fire station and i know that the men going running on the main trail, hence my trying to find a perfect spot so that i couldn't be spotted. I went deeper into the woods than I've ever been and I find this spot that i think is the best. Then i realize I had no water. because my original plan was to do it beside the river.  But of course the chances of getting busted there is bigger because people like the children on my street like to come to the river because of the waterfalls.  So i leave the spot i had of course trying to cross the river always looks easier in the movies because they don't show the gnats that are there and the coldness of the water, course now my sneakers are going to stink. What else could go wrong?    I should have known better not to ask. I stumbled all over the place to get to my new site and then i make the discovery. i have no water, not to cleanse the area, nor to drink with my dry dry cakes, (I'm so screwed) Now I have no water, but my problem only escalate.  I realize I've left my two keep ingredients at home,. So i decide to do it without tools and just improvise from there on i mean, you don't think those priest and priestesses were always prepared right?
courtesy of Image search
   So i finally i can get down to business i put up tools and remove all the extra clothing and begin to cast the circle.  BUT Wait. I have left the major part to my ritual at home also. I have the casting and the consecrating all memorized i know how to bless the altar, create sacred space, and all that good stuff. But i haven't completely memorized the body of the ritual.  I', beginning to think that maybe Just Maybe I wasn't supposed to do this ritual at all.  maybe i was not going about solving my problem the correct way.   But i decided to struggle through it anyway. Don' have a compass so I go by the setting sun, still got some elements botched.  Grounded and centered, calmed down and took a breather then i started again.  And I swear someone was watching me. Kept hearing things in the trees and along the trails, but i don't see anything. 
Grandmother Willow!!
 Lost the chant, rhythm, because something moved close to were i was but i couldn't for the life of me see it.    So i botch my way through the ceremony, & apologize to the witnesses and try to light my incense, It of Course doesn't light, or when it does, blows out. new matches got it!! Light the candle next, put it in holder, the holder won't stand up, keeps flipping over onto the side.  Finally get it to stand up.  Continue the rest of  the ceremony.  Reading the blessing and going through the motions, then i just have to take the words as they come to do the rest of the ceremony because I have left the other part at home.  Complete the ceremony , send the Guardians on their merry little way and pack up and get going myself. Feeling completely dejected because I have not felt the joy I normally fell when I do a ceremony. Can't help but feel the Goddess was also disappointed in my ceremony. I didn't have the proper items, and the proper training to do the ceremony/ So now its back to the drawing board to erase the plans there and start all over again. From Scratch (ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!)Oh the other lesson learned when doing outside rituals have your site picked and ready from before and then have all necessary items together and double check your list just to make sure this way you won't have the same mistakes that i did. Also have a back up place just in case!! merry meet and merry meet until we merry meet again05-17"

Ahhhh man looking back now i have learned several things:
1) i now know the "things in the trees" were the presence of the Gods, when i go in there i can feel the trees, they are all ancient oak trees they are at least 150-200 years old. 
2) I always make sure to learn the ritual body, the other stuff (incantations calling the elements) that I have memorized (now after all these years)  
 3) Since this first time whenever I have an outdoor ritual list that I bring with me, here it is:
  • athame or wand
  • candles and any necessary storm holders
  • matches or lighter (with a long tip)
  • ritual outline with complete ritual or typed up
  • any necessary crystals
  • candles with holders for corners
  • water for elemental call
  • wine, beer for offering and drinking
  • all herbal ingredients
  • pentacle
  • statuary
  • compass ( i have a sheet with elementals listed in each direction that I can turn to match the directions I made it myself)
  • chalice
  • misc items
This is from my journal (BOS), yes I keep meticulous notes about my rituals.  Its good to look back and see how far i have come. looking at the pages give me a good little thrill, cause i was so clueless back then but well connected to the Goddess and the God.

So why don't you share what your first ritual was like in the comment section. 
Blessed Be

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