Thursday 28 October 2010

There is no more room in

the broom closet

To some of my friends I'm just the weird friend who's really into nature, to some Im pagan, to others I'm a  hedge-witch.  Very few people know the last part. my family kinda knows but pretends I'm reformed (mhahaha too funny). As I have said before the women of my family have the sight, even though they have it they interpret it as a gift from God, and don't actively use it, they just let stuff happen then use the information.
One night my mom dreamt her Grandfather led her into my room (this was way back in high school). From there he showed her all the hiding spots for my wrapped books about the occult.  The next day while i was away my mom went into my room and went to all the places she dreamt about and sure enough she found them all, with this she had my sister help her dig around and seek out everything: fiction books she objected to, history books, witch guide books, tarot cards, my athame, my scrying bowl and mirror.


They stock piled all my books near the door of my room and waited for me to come home.
On the way home I kept getting this weird funny feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach and delayed going home for a couple of hours by hanging out with my friends even longer than normal.  I still don't know if that was good or bad and when I got home my sister wouldn't look at or talk to me but told me to just go upstairs, my littlest sister showed them to me, I tried to pull as many as I could, but I couldn't save them all the others???
My mom burned!!!
When I think of the money spent on those books I want to cry, my only words to her was to ask her

" How would you feel if I had done this to you? Desecrated your church and burned all your bibles?" 
she never did answer that question.  I can understand why she did it, but it still hurt to know that your family won't accept your faith.  My mom's father was a deacon in his church, her mom the first lady of the church, she grew up in the church and has never doubted or wondered about her faith. To most Jamaicans anything that's not Christianity (and their brand and flavor of it ) is devil worship.  She wouldn't listen to anything I had to say; so i made the decision never to practice as long as i was in her house. i packed away what i had saved and hid everything else at a few friends homes.
Culturally Jamaicans have internalized the slave masters mentality that the religion of the ancestors is devil worship and Obia (Voodoo) is looked down upon.
I never discussed faith with any of my family ever again and to this day, I never mention my faith or beliefs.
This is a pretty harsh story, but its mine. It took a while for me to even speak to my mom again, and even now this still colors everything, i don't share as much as i used to and i certainly never discuss my faith with her.
Its sad to note this but when you have been raised culturally to know that anything else is wrong you cant accept it from even the closest person.  Even if you see that it makes them happy. I don't really blame her, she has her faith and I have mine. Its just unfortunate that her faith teaches that mine is an abomination to hers, and must be eradicated.
My mom's reaction was the most severe my sisters didn't really care other than my next youngest who aided in the "purging" who doesn't believe I am on the right path at all.
We got into a fight over the summer and we discussed it all, she wanted to know why I didn't like her. (I thought I hid it so well) and I told her, she still thinks what she did was right but she didn't agree with the book burning (she's a teacher).  Its ok I have been learning to work through it and let go.
I'm not as hurt as I used to be and I have found I'm not really as angry as I was before, I'm just resigned to way they believe and know that their beliefs will never change,
Neither will mine!!!
How did your family react to your faith dear readers? any tales like mine? Any worse than mine? Please do share


  1. i have never discussed my faith or practices with my family, & i see no reason to start. my parents, especially my mother, were upset with my politics during high school (although, to be fair, they let me read what i wanted once i reached high school--thanks to my father) for me to bring up this subject! they suspect, & i'm sure they discuss it amongst themselves, but they never bring it up publicly. why would i? it will only serve to upset them, they will not accept my views, doesn't particularly bother me. it is what it is.

  2. I am thankful that my mother and grandmother are accepting of my faith. My mom is not comfortable with the word she calls me a Naturalist. Which I kinda think is cute.

    It broke my heart to read your story....I'm so, so sorry that your family put you through that. Hopefully your mom will be able to find some middle ground of tolerance some day.

  3. My mother try's to be accepting of my faith but she still talks to me like I'm a Christian. I keep reminding her that I'm not. But for the most part she is very accepting. My mother in Law is who introduced me to Witchcraft so not to many problems with her. My husband is very accepting because of his mom. I have not told my Father or step Mother. I don't know how they will take it.

    I am so sorry that happened to you. I couldn't even imagine.


  4. What a painful betrayal of your heart you experienced. I find it so interesting of the paradox that your mother listened her grandfather which is very witchy and then came to you and tried to tear you down. That takes a lot of strength to be true to yourself to this day and I really commend you for it. My mother was a witch but my dad is Mr. Black-and-White and has always tried to rationalize my spirituality even when I was a little girl by trying to convince me that faeries don't exist. I don't even go there anymore with him. I've had to find my own "spiritual" family which I'm still doing.

  5. @ Wendy, yes it is very witchie, it's a talent to speak to the dead in my family, the women especially will have vivid dreams, and warnings about friends both near and far, they will listen to them only when they come to them, but my active participation in attempting to meet them is considered ancestor worship which is heavily frowned upon, and I mean heavily. I talked about it a little, but there is no explaining the cultural conditioning. I love my mom, i just know I can't discuss a huge part of who I am with her, and I'm learning to be ok with that. Thanks for the kind words

  6. # Tickle Teckla omGoddess girlie you are very lucky to have accepting family members, my sisters know but they don't bother me about it since I don't really talk about it to them. one of the younger one's dabbled for a while then decided she was more spiritual than into any one religion, so at least with her i can discuss somethings. Thanks for understanding and your kind words

  7. @ Tea Witch, Thank you for the kind words, I have learned to accept her for her beliefs, i believe in living the best life and hopefully she will see that I can't be this happy and be "evil". We talk and hang out but it does hurt when she slides the Christian talk into the mix. I like that term "naturalist" sounds so cool, could be worse you could be the "hippie chick" :P

  8. @petoskystone I never talked to them because I knew this was going to happen, she never really bothered me and I knew she knew she just pretended, but when she had the dream she said it was her family attempting to purge the devil out of the house. I get it, it's her way I can't hold it against her I just know like you do, it's a closed subject, when we visit I make sure the house is as clean as possible nothing to see= nothing to comment on. Like you i know it's not worth the hassle to argue, it is what it is.

  9. Fortunately my family has never been really Christian. Well, we were baptized and went to confirmation and all, but our parents never made us go to church, and when my elder sister and I decided we were witches, they didn't say too much about it. I guess they think we are a little crazy, but they like us nonetheless.

    It helps that on my mother's side there are certain "gifts" running in the family, which are ignored by most and were used by her sister to rip off unsuspecting people... they probably think they are all crazy. (I still like them.)

    (I know I am very happy to have them.)

  10. @Diandra I must say i am very happy that your family is accepting. It's good your sister is a witch too so you have someone who is close who knows what your talking about. isn't it funny how the gifts run through families? My Mom, her Mom(my grandmother), and Great Grandmother as well as my Great Aunt are known for their "knowings" but they stay firmly within the Christian context. Sucks that someone used their talent to rip someone off.I have learned that friends are the Goddesses way of making up for family


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Thank You and Goddess Bless.